crazylady's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6.30.05

While the child was smearing Korean �Pocky� all over her dress and hamming it up for the photographer the rest of us had a chance to get ourselves ready. I was very excited to wear my Major Award from Juiceglass.com. A few months ago I won her drawing for a beautiful glass necklace. If you go to the gallery page on her site my necklace is the second one from the left in the top row. It is gorgeous and I, being who I am, went around explaining to everyone that it was a Major Award.

The photographer is busily snapping away (I think there were nearly 2000 pictures taken) and my brother is overheard telling his Air Force buddy �I am SO getting laid tonight� No one could really argue with him. The Sister� buzzed in and out a few times dropping things off, picking things up and having me double stick tape her dress up. I think the only reason I wasn�t asked to be in the wedding is my complete and utter lack of boobs. In fact I held up Chupies dress at one point and I swear it would have almost fit me.

Will called me and said he was in town and would be over in a few minutes to pick the child and me up. Of course he gets caught by a train so we had to bust a little ass to get to the ceremony on time. The Best Friend� was already there so the two of them took off together and I dragged a nearly screaming Chupie upstairs to where the ladies were getting ready. By cutting it so close I didn�t have to restrain a squirming child too long and the ceremony started pretty quickly. The idea was for Chupie and the ring bearer to walk up the aisle together all cute-like. Her with a basket of rose petals and him with a satin pillow. Of course that didn�t work. They half-sprinted down the aisle, there were tears, Chupie doubled back and ended up being carried down the aisle by the Maid of Honor. I sneak out to stand with Will and The Best Friend� wrongfully assuming that Chupie will remain seated with grandma. Seconds after the bride and her father made their way up the aisle a red-faced screaming child comes running at me. Thankfully the ceremony was all of 15 minutes so I wiped the tears (oh lordy were there tears!) from my face and we went inside to get something to drink (a Shirley Temple for her, something amber-colored and on tap for me)

We were by NO means the first in line at the bar but my uncle (father of my �precocious� cousin) seemed to think as much and was kind enough to say �Of COURSE Heathers in line for the bar first� giggle, giggle, sorry you�re a fat miserable asshole. Anyhow, he later went on to tell The Sister� something to the affect of �It looks like you lost some weight for this thing� which threw her, rightfully so, into a tirade. At least it�s easy to see were my cousin gets it.

Chupie decided she wanted nothing to do with me and was hanging out with the ring bearer and his parents. Will and I sat with my mother, Karen from Louisiana�, The Sisters� best friend and her boyfriend, my step dad, The Best Friend�, a mutual friend of me and The Sisters� and for a brief moment, the photographer. Our table was the reason for the open bar. Of course as soon as we�re all comfy the child needs to change her pants so Will and I took her out to his truck so I could change her. It was about this time I really began to question my decision to wear strappy, pointy-toed grown up shoes so I took them off BEFORE walking across the burning hot pavement. I never said I was smart folks.

I changed into my flip flops and we went in to eat. The food, or what I had of it, was really good. Chupie decided she was too cool to sit with me and took her place again with the ring bearer and his parents. She sat, quite ladylike, and ate her food with no problem. Obviously at some point my child was replaced with someone else because that is NOT normal �eating out� behavior for her.

After dinner we decided to take Chupie to the babysitter (i.e.-my cousins who were staying at my grandmothers� house). She put up a little fight but was overjoyed to see the kids when she got to the house. Will and I headed back to the reception where we proceeded to dance like morons because, well, we ARE morons. The open bar was taking its toll on us so we decided to head back to my mothers house and The Best Friend� soon followed. My mother and Karen from Louisiana� retrieved the child before heading home.

The party was a rockin. The child not only got stuck IN her dress as Will and I were attempting to change her clothes but then took a nice dive on the patio resulting in two scraped-up knees. Karen from Louisiana� brought out the red beans and rice and everyone scarfed it down especially Will who repeated over and over and over again that it was�superb? I can�t remember the exact word he used but he was finally told to shut up and eat. Between bowls he was hugging everyone telling him that he loved them. The next morning we called him Dr Love.

Chupie and I passed out in the recliner, where we slept all night. From what I hear the party went on until 4AM. When we woke in the morning my step dad was already on the Bloody Marys. Mother made The Best Friend� one with an entire veggie tray on the skewer. I swore off drinking moments after I awoke and headed for the coffee instead.

The Best Friend� had a wedding to attend that evening so she finished her �breakfast� and headed home. Various stragglers stopped by for �breakfast� and everyone was moving pretty slowly. My brand new sister-in-law calls and says that GI Jerk had somehow forgotten to pack any clothes so he was stuck in a hotel room in Port Huron with nothing but his wool dress blues to wear. The Sister� heads downstairs to pack him a bag and discovers that all of his undergarments are in awful shape so a trip to Kmart is in order before taking the lad a change of clothes.

The plan was for mother and The Sister� to go pick up my sister-in-laws� truck, convoy up to the hotel, drop the stuff off and then drive back in The Sisters� vehicle. In the midst of all this I get a phone call from my mother telling me that my sister-in-law had ALSO forgotten to pack any clothes. I went downstairs and rifled through her things and pulled together a few outfits for her. Thankfully the kids were planning a trip to the mall that afternoon (I mean who DOESN�T want to spend their honeymoon at the mall?)

After a miscommunication with the hotel clerk �I need to take these to my brother and sister-in-law, they don�t have any clothes�, �Would you like me to have them come down?�, �They don�t have any clothes I need to take them clothes�, �I can call the room and have them��, �They have no clothes to come down in. I need to take them clothes��They got their clothes (and my mothers shoes, apparently my sister-in-law forgot to take anything but her wedding shoes too�and these kids are going to move to Texas by themselves? Eeesh!)

The Sister� had to work later that night so she left for home. We just kind of bummed around and waited to see what time Karen from Louisiana� would be up. I think it was about 2PM before she started moving. I sent a message to Will for a ride home as BD was working all day and I was ready to come back to our little slice of the American Nightmare.

So that, in a three-day-I�m-Likely-Forgetting-Something diatribe was last week. It was a great time and everyone enjoyed themselves. Now tomorrow I can take you on a tour of our house�

11:30 a.m. - 06.30.05

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------